Cock

Wrath of the Cock King

As i'm sure you all know Blizzard plans to release their new expansion "Wrath of the Lich King" sometime by the end of this year (in order to compete w/ mythic's WAR). My guess is sometime before Christmas, but no one really knows for sure.

Enough on release dates. What does Blizzard have to offer w/ this new expansion you say? Well so far they've promised a ton of shit that would make anyone who's never experienced an expansion from Blizzard prior to this one (BC was a total crash and burn for me) might be eager to join the fray once it comes out. So what exactly are the details you have? Let's look at a few of the things they're planning to release:

Level caps raised to 80 - Awesome, more fucking grinding just to see my stats go down every fucking level reminding me that i need to upgrade my gear ASAP if i want to be a shadow of what i was 10 levels ago.

51 point talents - I'll get back to these later, you guys are in for a laugh though.

New Zone Northrend - Lot's of lore for those of you who played WC3 and Frozen Throne. This is one of the aspects of the expansion that i for one would look foward to seeing as how you get to meet a lot of cool characters from the Warcraft storyline before Blizzard shoved it's cock down the throat of what was once a pretty sweet story. NPCs like the leaders of the dragon aspects (Alextrasza and Malygos), Tirion Fordring The Ashbringer (Paladin NPC in WPL for whom you do a quest chain for), even Muradin Bronzebeard (who's alive apparently) all make an appearance. It's cool to see all these badass characters in game once or twice, still shouldn't be enough to get you to buy the expansion though.

New Arena's, Battleground, and PvP objective zones - Just what we fucking needed, a new pillar fuck fest zone to get use to, while druids are having the time of their lives running around like cunts finding out new and improved ways to be douchebags. If the new battleground is anything like EoTS (totally original btw combining WSG/AB/EPL world pvp into one big pile of shit for a BG) then i think i'd much rather sit this one out. And as for the new world pvp objective zones, all i can say is "AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA" and i'm quoting myself there. Blizzard's world pvp objectives have all been crash and burn since they first tried it pre-BC in EPL/Silithus, collecting dust and capping towers in order to get a 5% damage buff for undead Strath? BC's world pvp wasn't much different, you'd log on your horde friends vent and ask them to fly to Nagrand so you can kill them 200 times in order to get a +10 resilience gem which was fucking unique. There has never been any god damn incentive to do world PvP in WoW and there never will be. They really should let this part of the game die and stick to their new baby which is arena pvp.

New neutral city Dalaran - Remember in that big purple bubble in Hillsbrad Foothills with all the golems near it? Well somehow our bright and innovative friends and Blizzard decided to move this city to Northrend and make it float. Like Shattrath this city will be completely neutral, a "Sanctuary". Blizzards answer to ganking, making certain areas "Sanctuaries", if you don't know what a Sanctuary is either because you haven't played BC, don't pay attention, or can't read cause' you're retarded, a Sanctuary is an area in the game where there is absolutely NO pvp, not even if you're flagged. Nothing. Another reason why i say they should just let "World" PvP fucking die in this POS. It's a fucking joke as it is.

New Dances and Hairstyles - Fucking Christ. They HAD to find someway to appeal to the fucking 12 year old shit stains who play this game. They advertise this shit like it's the end all, as if anyone who plays seriousely gives a flying fuck if they're able to change their hairstyle or not. I'm not going to go any further into this subject, i feel it speaks for itself on how many ideas Blizzard has floating around for this game.

New Hero Class Death Knight - Ah yes, the ultimate gimmick. Blizzard's new Warlock, a plate wearing frostnovaing deathcoiling consecrate fearing wotf talented two seperate silence tanking juggernaut of doom. The talent tree itself is fucking insulting. First tier talent in their "Unholy" tree is Improved Deathcoil. By far the most obnoxious homosexual jew nigger spell in all of WoW history, but improved. Death and Decay, an amped up consecration that periodically fears those who stand in it (LOLOLOlollROFlROlf), their own frost nova, a pummel AND a silence, they have as much armor as a bear form druid w/ a 2h weapon, run speed auras, a talented will of the forsaken, summon ghouls, turn into a ghoul once they die, ect. The list goes on.

One can roll DK as long as you have a lvl 55 toon on your account. The character starts out at lvl 55 with a blue 2h sword and a bunch of free armor. Plus an epic mount right off the bat, and you start in EPL in accordance with the storyline i suppose. Like i said before, GIMMICK. This is another lame ass attempt by Blizzard to get people to buy this shitty xpac. They're going to have DKs rape this game for a few months then nerf them well and good once everyone's had their fill of them.

51 point talent videos. Ready for some laughs folks? I know i am. Here we go:

Mage -

Fire - Living Bomb http://youtube.com/watch?v=MNIdX5WGrRE Good thing he can rape those stockade mobs after a full 45 seconds with a 51 point talent.

Frost - Couldn't find any, but it stuns people who are novaed (la dee da?)

Arcane - Arcane Barrage http://youtube.com/watch?v=GhSPVXhmyEY This is just fucking laughable, a gay version of ice lance, but 51 points into a shitty tree.

Warrior -

Arms - Heroic Leap http://youtube.com/watch?v=ks_Wzz6UCXc Yeah i don't get it.

Fury - Bladestorm http://youtube.com/watch?v=RBGN5r1O33k Cool you turn into Herod from SM armory. Next.

Prot - Who gives a fuck about prot

Paladin -

Retribution - Divine Storm http://youtube.com/watch?v=AVUNUU_lHDU Can't complain, it's actually a really nice ability and the ret tree itself is VERY impressive in WotLK

Holy - Beacon of Light http://youtube.com/watch?v=-Y3dEmO4OG4 It's toward the end. Basically it's a targetable druid Tranquility. Meaning it sucks big dick, sry holydanz, reroll ret.

Prot - Who gives a fuck about prot.

Warlock -

Demonology - Turn into fuckin Illidan form http://youtube.com/watch?v=a7Aovk6O5Y0 You know just when you thought your class is getting something cool Blizzard throws something like this shit in your face. It's like they're not even hiding it anymore. You get to turn into fucking Illidan and smoke niggers faces off with your big demon dick. Fuck this class and everyone who plays it.

Destruction - Chaos Bolt http://youtube.com/watch?v=a7Aovk6O5Y0 (same video shows all 51 pt talents) An armor (iceb block and divine shield) piercing super fireball that can't be resisted. Nice.

Affliction - Haunt http://youtube.com/watch?v=a7Aovk6O5Y0 Fuck locks.

That's all the youtube videos about talents i can find for now. More on this shit fest later.

So what have we got so far? Mages barely kill stockade mobs with their new fire talent, Warriors get to spin around like a lvl 30 boss, and locks turn into Illidan and end worlds. Yeah sounds like another Blizzard expansion to me. That's all on talents for now.

In conclusion, if you're into gimmicky shit like new dances and hero classes WotLK is the game for you. I know i won't be spending 40 bucks to kill Arthas alongside a bunch of Illidans (51 pt SL locks). If WAR ends up sucking balls i'll end up swearing off MMOs for ever, but under no circumsance will i ever play this shit game again. Let alone buy the dickless excuse for an expansion they plan to unleash on the poor unsuspecting scrubs. It's gonna be an interesting winter.

I leave you all w/ this video:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=IuL2DhQ0nd8

The complete and utter pussification of WoW. Enjoy.